His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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