Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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