So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
