I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
