matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
