Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
