Jerry, you need to find god
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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