piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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