Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
