Nicole vs. Life
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
