So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
