Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
