Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just threw up on my dentist
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
