somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
