Duck Duck Cougar?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
