Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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