They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
