Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
