Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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