Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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