you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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