My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
