you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
