look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
