I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
