...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
