How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
