A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
