Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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