Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
