there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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