Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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