You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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