He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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