Where is the hickey?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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