Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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