'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
