He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
