What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
