She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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