Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
