Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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