Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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