I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
