And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
