is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
