I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
