I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
