before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
