So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
