I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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