i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
