she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just high enough for therapy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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