Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
