im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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