I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
