I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
