Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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