420 ftw
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
