i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
