I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
