never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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