I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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