# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
